Being A One-Parent Family

Finding yourself in the position where you are a single parent father or mother to your child is probably the most daunting task that has ever been laid before you. Taking care of one person is hard enough. To be responsible for the welfare of another being that depends on you for everything is enormous. Sometimes you don’t have a choice. You do the best that you can and recruit help from trusted sources if you must.

If the reason you are a single parent father is because of divorce, it is important that you and your ex-spouse still have a united front when it comes to raising and loving your child. When your child sees that his mother and father may not be married to each other any longer, but they are no enemies, he may gain some of his former security back.

Extra reassurances must be shown to the child so that he knows he is not the cause of the divorce. He must know that he is loved beyond anything and that both his parents are available to him for whatever he needs.

The above would be the ideal situation and indicate your positive parenting attitude. Unfortunately, with divorce the ideal is rare. Most of the time the hurt between the parents is so large they are unable to put that aside for the sake of the child. Acts against the other parent often range from totally immature and occasionally lean towards dangerous.

Another fatal mistake divorced single parent fathers or mothers often commit is to try to instill disrespect, even hate, in the child for the other parent. This causes immeasurable damage and may be considered abusive to the child’s psychological well being.

If there is only one parent who does not have to deal with an ex-spouse you’re spared interference from another parent. You will have your own set of problems to overcome. Fortunately, there are some social agencies available that can provide some assistance financially, or with babysitting when the parent has to work to support his or her family. With any luck, family and friends may be available to provide positive parenting  tips and a strong net of social support for parent and child.

Coping As A Lone Parent

The majority of single parenting cases are usually ones who have had a spouse, and for various reasons now find they are on their own, through death of their partner, or a breakdown in the relationship. The lesser would be, I suspect a woman who has by choice or otherwise found herself pregnant. Whichever the case, one person will find themselves the lone provider for their child, and the other will have a shared position. Each situation will have many issues, which can be overcome, and have many rewards for a job well done.

I personally have only known a mother and father in the same home sharing the responsibilities of rearing children from my upbringing, to the rearing, with my husband, of my own children, but have also seen single parenting from a totally different viewpoint with family members having marriage upsets, and children being split into two family homes. When this takes place, the best outcome for all is when both parents can agree to be able to work together for the child’s sake, having the same set of rules in each house, etc and to keep life as well balanced as possible. Unfortunately what starts out with good ideas with single parent families sometimes falls into chaos, as over time very often anger starts to arise between the feuding parents, and when the money issues arise. Packing a bag and making the decision to leave is the easiest act in the world.

Looking at it from a child’s point of view when there is only one parent, they are usually in a situation that they don’t desire, so at all times it is important for each parent to not speak negatively of the other one, as remember that the child loves you both equally, and over the years will make up their own mind of the situation. Unfortunately the child will often blame themselves for the family break up, so by being as positive about the other parent as possible will surely only help their little mind to absorb all what has gone on. Try to focus on the good things that you saw and fell in love with, and not let hate rule you, as this all rubs off onto the child.

Having their own clothes, toys and their “stuff”at each home is a more relaxing way for the child, to have 2 homes rather than just spending time with one parent and living with the other. This excludes the possibility of the child turning up with needing more clothes each time. DON’T PLAY GAMES, as it is the children who suffer. Good things can always come out of a disaster, so make their room fun, and even let them help you decorate it with their hand made bits, or on your buying spree, but try not to outdo the other home.

Try as much as possible to celebrate special outings together with the child, ie. school occasions and other times where a mum and dad is needed, always being amicable as possible to each other, as these things are really important to a growing child. Remember you are going to be co-parents for the rest of your lives and there will be lots of times that it is lovely to have the whole family attend, so try to make the best of it.

As with rearing any child it is important in single parenting to be consistent, and have clear guide lines on what is acceptable in life and what is not. So many children are all over the place because the boundary line is so wide, and single parents will often find that children try to play one parent off against the other which can cause slackness in the rearing. Hold fast, and let your yes be YES and your no be NO. Sometimes it’s just too bad so sad! Often men fall into the trap of being a good time weekend dad and mum is the one dishing out the authority.

A child from a one parent home from birth has the luxury of just one parent with one set of ideas, which can have rewards, but from the lone parent they don’t have the joy of sharing all the little things with, first smiles etc, and also someone to share the load when times get tired and testy. In single parent families it is important for the baby to be around other people, so as they grow up they are happy to be with others not just mum, so that they have a healthy balance and not just a cocoon, and trust others.
The other critical piece of creating a village of adults for your child is gender balance. Your child needs examples of healthy men and women for him or her to learn from and pattern themselves after. Most people have friends and relatives they can trust.

It is important to look after yourself when you are a sole parent  in the home. Take time out to do one special thing each day if possible that you enjoy, and certainly make the most of your free time when you aren’t looking after your child. If you feel you are exhausted or emotional find help, before burn-out leads to child abuse, or you say or do something you just can’t take back. A bank that has run dry can’t pay out, so see that your bank is filled in the most satisfying way that suits you.

A child that is respectful to others and themselves is a joy to behold, and if you can sit back and see that above all else you have imparted these skills into your child or children then a good days work has been done. Love yourself, and then you can love others, and remember a perfect parent has yet to be born !!!

The Key to Sole Parenting is Communication

Parenting  and including sole parenting  is the most important, sometimes exciting, sometimes frustrating responsibility that we are given, if we are privileged to have children to guide into adulthood.

Bringing a new baby home is on one hand a dream come true, after waiting all those months, and also can be terrifying to be on your own in a single parent household with this little helpless thing who won’t stop crying. Fortunately it is usually only a feed, change or cuddle which the baby needs. However a new mum and especially a single mum must never be reluctant to cry out for help when she is feeling so tired and worn out, as it can be just a good sleep that is needed, while a friend or relative takes care of the baby for a few hours . Usually with a new bub there is no end of women willing to help out. Don’t fall into the trap of entertaining people for the first while, let them help in the house with a simple job if they come visiting.

It is important for the baby and the parents that as soon as possible a routine for feeding, bathing and sleeping is established, but it is good to be a bit flexible, depending on the needs of the baby and yourselves for that day. Something as simple as a few hours shopping can alter the schedule, but a lovely warm bath and massage can settle a little one down. Babies usually love to be massaged with a little oil, but be aware in the winter of them getting cold.

As your little person grows they watch you and copy the smiles etc, and as they get bigger they are still watching you, and copying, so we are always role models. I once heard someone say that children don’t take much notice of what we say, but watch everything that we do.

When the child gets to about 2yrs old they are really exploring the world, and finding out how far to push the boundaries. Some children resort to ‘temper tantrums’ and throw themselves down on the floor, when they don’t get their own way, but are usually cleaver enough not to hurt themselves. Sometimes ignoring is a good way to handle the problem, and then a good cuddle and little chat about the problem when they have settled down.

We all live in this world with rules and boundaries, so in sole parentingwe are not doing the child any favors by letting them call the shots. Establishing what you expect your children to do around the house  in single parent households should be done at a fairly early age, little people love to feel important having a simple job and also feeling part of a group. Too many parents moan at their children about how they don’t contribute around the place etc, but they only have themselves to blame, for not teaching and allowing them to do simple jobs when they were little. All little people love to get in the sink to do the dishes, and even if they make a puddle and you need to rewash things, to them it really is playtime and a good bonding time also. We can all remember sitting up to the bench and licking beaters, scooping out bowls, and if we were lucky, even helping to stir the cake. Great memories, the simple ones are the best.

Communication is the best key to having a good relationship with your child, making sure that you really listen when they talk to you, looking them in the face whenever possible, so that they know that they are really important to you. Be aware, but not overly so about school bullying. Always remember that you will be the best parent you can be, even though you will have plenty of  ” if only’s”  when they are all grown up. You are the best parent for your child, so love them, and love yourself, and the job you are doing.
.